Stepping Out of the Waiting Room: She Won’t Have to Heal from Me

Embarking on a healing journey is not for the faint of heart. It’s a road marked with many things:

• Questions, some of which are never fully answered

• Confusion, learning to show up differently often feels off at first

• Recognition, as your true self emerges and the things that no longer serve you are left behind

And all of that leads to greater levels of stability.

I had an experience with my daughter that hit me deeply. As I stepped back, I realized this is why I’ve done the healing work.

She was going through something. It clearly felt big enough that her emotions were seeping out of her eyes. It broke my heart to see her cry, and I had no idea what she was feeling because she didn’t want to talk about it.

So I sat in her room while she anxiously picked up pretend messes.

I asked her if she wanted to talk about it.

“No.”

Okay, deep breath, Mom. This isn’t rejection of you. Give her space to process.

So I sat for another minute and then asked, “Can I give you a hug?”

“No.”

Another deep breath.

“Daughter, you know that I love you and I’m here if you need me. I’m going to leave you alone now, but I’m available all night in case you don’t want to be alone.”

I didn’t see her until the next morning. She emerged from her room, eyes puffy from crying and lack of sleep.

My heart ached for her. I knew she had a job interview to get ready for, and I wondered how she’d be able to show up as her best self after the long night she had.

As she got ready for her interview, I told her she looked beautiful.

“I know this is hard right now, but I’m proud of you. Set aside whatever is too big to carry right now. You can deal with it when you get home, just don’t take it with you to your interview.”

“Can I hug you before you leave?”

“No.”

Deep breath.

“Okay, I love you. Go get ’em.”

As she walked out the door, I thought:

• I’m so uncomfortable, I could’ve easily made this about me

• If I would’ve pushed for a hug, it would’ve sent her off fighting tears instead of focusing on how she showed up for the interview

• I didn’t take any of that as rejection. I was able to give her space because I’m secure inside of myself

Any of those things, making it about me, pushing for a hug, or even pushing her to share, would’ve intruded on the space she needed to sort it out herself.

If I hadn’t done the healing work, I would’ve shown up very differently, and my sweet daughter would’ve had a more turbulent experience.

I recalled different scenarios from my past, wrestling through my own stuff while also having to be mindful and careful with the emotions of those around me. It was exhausting and taught me that my emotions and experiences weren’t important. Those moments shaped me into believing there wasn’t room for me, and I’ve been overcoming all of the consequences that belief created.

As I watched her drive away, I had this innate knowing:

She knows she has room.

She doesn’t have to carry extra weight from my unhealed emotions.

She won’t have to heal from this.

Why?

Because I showed up for my own healing and did the work.

Because my healing has produced a quiet stability that gives space for others to be in their own process.

Because the level of healing I’ve experienced has allowed me to form a secure attachment.

Wherever you are in your healing journey, keep going.

Think about the people a healed version of you will impact in a positive way. When the questions and confusion come, keep those people in front of you. Let them be your clarity.