Why You Are Still Living in Should And What It Is Costing You

In this blog we unpack the real difference between a should and a must and why awareness without commitment is just a very convincing story you keep telling yourself about a decision you have not made yet.

-Rebecca Misek

I have been almost there for so long that almost there has started to feel like a personality trait.

Almost ready. Almost confident. Almost at the place I have been working toward for longer than I want to admit.

What I have learned after years of this work is that the gap between where you are and where you know you need to be almost never comes down to information or talent or effort. It comes down to the standard you are operating from.

And most of us have been operating from should territory our entire lives without ever stopping to notice.

“Every should has a story behind it. A reason it is still a should and not a must. And that reason almost always involves fear or comfort wearing the disguise of responsibility.”

The Should Sounds Responsible

I spent years saying I should stop drinking Diet Coke. I had every reason written down. Every consequence mapped out. And I kept drinking it.

Until it became a must. And I have not had one since.

The information did not change. The circumstances did not change. What changed was the standard I decided to hold myself to.

Here is the thing. The should sounds like awareness. But awareness without commitment is just a very convincing story you keep telling yourself about a decision you have not made yet.

Every should has a story behind it. A reason it is still a should and not a must. And that reason is almost always fear or comfort dressed up as responsibility.

The Gap

There is a moment that happens when you shift from should to must. A slight tightening. A quiet oh, I actually know that answer feeling.

That is the gap. The gap between who you are right now and who you are deciding to become.

I have seen this play out in two very different people. The first had twelve shoulds and one must. The second had fifteen musts and one should. You already know which one had the result.

The people who have what you want are not doing different tasks. They are operating from a completely different standard. And somewhere in you, you already know what that standard is.

“The should keeps you in the waiting room of your own life. The must puts you in the driver’s seat.”

What Must You Decide Right Now

Think of one thing you keep saying you should do. Sit with it for a moment.

Now ask yourself this. What does a version of me who already has this result believe about themselves? What standard do they hold that I have not fully claimed yet?

Because the behavior follows the belief. Every time. The person who exercises consistently has decided they are someone who moves their body. The person who has the hard conversations has decided they are someone who tells the truth even when it is uncomfortable.

The must is not about willpower. It is about identity.

So what must you decide right now, not when you feel ready, not when the conditions are better, but right now, to start living from that standard?

You already know the answer. You have probably known it for a while.

The only thing left is the decision.