Stepping out of the waiting room: Why the modality of healing matters

A friend recently mentioned she was considering going back to therapy. As a life coach and certified prayer minister, it stirred some thoughts in me. What I shared with her surprised even me.

A few months ago, I was emotionally overwhelmed, like I felt buried under the weight of it all. A close friend had lovingly named some toxic dynamics in a relationship I was deeply invested in, and I felt lost and confused. I couldn’t quite see a way forward.

So I did what I thought you’re supposed to do: I sought out counseling.

I met with a pastoral counselor for an introductory call to see if it would be a good fit. As we wrapped up, a question rose up in my heart and wouldn’t let go:

Will my pain be safe here?

Along with that question came a half-formed awareness, a familiar feeling of being asked to fit myself into someone else’s framework, to be taught about myself rather than trusted with myself.

I’ve spent years working to break free from expectations, labels, and the pressure to perform in order to be accepted. I couldn’t ignore the fact that my body was signaling hesitation. Paying to put myself in another container that felt misaligned didn’t feel wise.

So I listened. And I said no.

Instead, I chose a different path. I enrolled in an online course focused on personal power. I reached out to a trusted friend who is a coach. I scheduled an in-depth prayer ministry session.

I knew I was stuck and I knew I needed support, but I was learning that the kind of support matters.

As I began putting things into place and clarity returned, another realization surfaced. Part of what had drawn me toward counseling was a desire for vindication. I wanted someone to confirm how wrong others had been. I wanted validation for the pain I was carrying.

And while that might have brought momentary relief, I don’t believe it would have brought me freedom.

Even if I had been validated, I suspect I would have remained powerless circling familiar stories instead of stepping into new ones.

For me, in that season, empowerment mattered more than explanation.

So I chose my present and my future over rehashing my past. I chose to walk out healing in real time rather than only revisiting what hurt me. I honored my nervous system when it said, “This isn’t the right next step.”

This isn’t a critique of counseling. There are times when it is deeply necessary and profoundly healing. This is simply my realization that, for me, choosing empowerment meant stepping out of hopelessness and into agency.

And that choice changed everything.