Heal Anyway

I’ve been on a journey of overcoming over-functioning and codependency.

It hasn’t been easy and it’s been put to the test so many times. Which just means I’ve had lots of practice!

Part of what has been difficult for me is saying no to the requests of others, especially when I can rearrange my schedule or stop what I’m doing or simply ‘squeeze it in’.

When I have the means to do the thing, I have this inner voice that says I should do the thing. And actually the ‘means’ has been the time or knowledge. I have completely ignored my energy or desire.

In the past it hasn’t mattered if the person making the request is truly responsible for what they are asking me to do. I just saw it as my job to jump in and help!

And people in my life got used to me saying yes.

You can imagine the shock…for me and them…when I started saying no!

For me, I experienced immense guilt and often fought the urge to not take it back and turn my no into a yes.

I recently read about a 24 hour rule when you are learning to set boundaries. Just know that for the next 24 hours you will feel uncomfortable, but that doesn’t mean you are wrong. Ride out the feeling of guilt. And don’t make any changes to your response in that time frame!

And recently I had the uncomfortable experience of hearing from someone else what my no was like for them.

They felt abandoned and confused when I started saying no. It didn’t seem fair that I would no longer step in to do what they were asking. In fact, my no to them was an obstacle in loving me well. They were proud of themselves for still being in a relationship with me at all.

Ouch!

I share this because it’s real life.

For me, each no represents healing and growth and wholeness. It was a way for me to define where I end and someone else begins. It was empowering and freeing. It allowed me to focus on things that I wanted to pursue.

And those “NOs” had to be said.

The truth is, not everyone in your life will love it when you stop over-functioning. When you find your worth and certainty within yourself and no longer have to abandon you in order to keep others happy, those who have relied on your self-abandonment will feel the consequences of this.

Remember this: consequences aren’t bad. They are simply the effects of an action.

Will everyone understand your healed self? Will everyone celebrate your progress?

Not at all. In fact, some people will push back and demand you to stay how you have been.

It’s a good thing you don’t live to for ‘some people’.

Heal anyway.

Set the boundaries.

Say no.

Let the pushback test you, so you can prove to yourself you really are strong, well-defined, and worthy of living your own life.

If you are on this journey and the pushback is feeling overwhelming, reach out to me. It could be a perfect time to have a coach in your corner.

One thing I truly believe is that the world needs who you were made to be, not who everyone else defines you to be.