Choosing Your State Is Not The Same As Faking It

In this blog I get honest about what the last three months of my life actually looked like behind the scenes, and why choosing your state is never the same thing as faking it.

-Rebecca Misek

I was fifteen hours off my own body clock, standing in a hotel room on the other side of the world, when the text came through.

My dad had died.

I couldn't fly home in that moment. I was at a conference I'd been planning for months, the theme was celebration, and I had a decision to make right there with my bags still packed. So I decided he'd be part of the celebration too.

You see, that was just the beginning.

Three Months, No Faking

Over the next few weeks I sprained my ankle so badly I could hardly walk, then came down with dengue fever I'd never even heard of until it had me. It took time to get back on my feet.

Then I lost a friend of six years, not to death, to an exit.

Someone I'd worked hard alongside for years suddenly decided a different story about me, and the friendship was just gone.

Not long after, I was sitting in a room full of business owners, about to present, when I felt a nudge to check on a close friend of eleven or twelve years. I texted him that morning.

His daughter texted back that he'd died. I still had to stand up and present.

On top of all of it, I've been dealing with a thyroid issue that's left me exhausted in a way sleep doesn't touch, losing my hair in handfuls, and carrying fifteen pounds I didn't ask for.

I never faked my state through any of that. I also never shoved it down and called it strength.

What Choosing Actually Looks Like

Here's the thing. Faking it means performing fine while you're breaking inside.

Choosing it means letting the wave hit you fully, and then deciding what to do with it.

With my dad, I waited. It wasn't until the plane ride home, exhausted, scrolling through photos, that I let myself cry it out. With my friend, I waited until nine that night, alone, and let it hit me then.

Not denial. Just timing.

Most of us think a negative emotion has to be dove into completely the second it shows up, and a positive one gets a quick nod before we move on.

I'd like to flip that.

Feel the good ones all the way through. Let the hard ones land too, just on your terms instead of theirs.

Dumping the Legos

Think about being a kid with a bucket of Legos. You dump them all out so you can actually see what you've got. Sort the reds from the greens from the blues. Then you decide what to build.

That's what processing looks like. You pour it all out somewhere safe so you can see the colors, the anger, the sadness, the hurt, and then you get to choose what you build from them.

• Venting sounds like "this keeps happening to me, nothing works."

• Processing sounds like "here's what's actually going on, here's what I need."

Same vulnerability. Completely different energy.

Proof It's Possible

One of the women in our community is walking through cancer right now, and she's doing this beautifully. She doesn't pretend it isn't happening. When it's time to cry, she cries.

And everywhere else, she shows up with a powerful, steady presence, fully herself, no mask on. Watching her do it in real time has done more for this room than any lesson I could have taught.

Where This Leaves You

What's the wave you've been avoiding because you think feeling it makes you weak?

Where have you been shoving something down and calling it mastery, when really it's just a full bucket you haven't dumped out yet?

That's the work.

You don't have to hold it together to be strong. You just have to be willing to feel it, in your own time, on your own terms.

If any part of this hit close to home, our free guide walks through more of what choosing your state actually looks like. Come grab it.

Send me a message. I'd love to hear from you.