When the gears don’t line up: Listening to the body
When the Gears Don’t Line Up is a series for those seasons when life feels out of sync. These reflections explore misalignment, internal healing, and the quiet practice of listening to yourself especially when the external world feels confusing or tense.
I used to think it was all in my head.
If I could just think differently or believe differently then I would feel differently and life would look differently.
And let’s be honest, most resources out there challenge the way you think, believe and feel.
There were times I’d feel anxiety or tension at the body level, and I couldn’t explain it.” I tried to put words to it for friends, often by placing a fist under my rib cage, saying through gritted teeth, “It’s like right here.”
For years I thought it was my fault when it would happen. I’d beat myself up for clearly not getting my thought life in order. All that did was add guilt and shame to the uncomfortable feelings I was already feeling.
So I tried to hide it by laughing louder, smiling bigger, and not sharing it with anyone. I just couldn’t take one more ‘helpful’ comment that I heard as blame.
And then something powerful happened, a level of healing that I didn’t even know I needed…nervous system, body level healing.
Healing came when I started practicing deep breathing and gratitude through the Immanuel Lifestyle course offered by Alive and Well, a practice that gently asked me to notice where I felt emotions in my body each week.
At first I thought it was crazy. Emotions are felt in my heart and come from my head. And I often struggled to pinpoint the emotions in my body.
I’ve learned some important things.
Sometimes my nervous system lies to me! Like when I set a good, healthy boundary but feel like I’m a bad person. That’s stored in my body, not my mind. And I can’t think my way out of it.
My body is usually a few steps ahead of my brain, sensing nuances my mind hasn’t caught yet. Healing requires listening to both: top-down through thoughts and emotions, and bottom-up through body sensations.
The body really does keep score. I had a time when I couldn’t sleep because my body was on high alert. Once I recalled the first time it happened and the events surrounding it, I was able to let my body know that I really was safe. Sleep came naturally after that.
Often when I experience an emotion in my body, I have to move my body somehow to work the emotion out. Talking about it, even journaling about it does little good if I’m not willing to take a walk, bounce on a rebounder, or dance to release it.
I wish I was smart enough to rattle off the science behind all of this but all I have is my experience. And I can say, beyond a shadow of a doubt, pausing and checking in with my body has upleveled my healing journey immensely.
When I can’t explain an emotional response, I pause and ask, ‘Where am I feeling this in my body?’ Doing so doesn’t fix everything, but it gives me a roadmap for what my body needs and reminds me that healing isn’t just in my head; it’s in my whole being.
