When the Gears Don’t Line Up: What Misalignment Taught Me
When the Gears Don’t Line Up is a series for those seasons when life feels out of sync.
These reflections explore misalignment, internal healing, and the quiet practice of listening to yourself especially when the external world feels confusing or tense.
There was a season of gross misalignment in my family. It was like we could hardly get in the same book, let alone be on the same page. That season was painful for all of us and has left some scars and opportunities for us to heal. Through it though, I learned somethinmportant that launched me on a personal journey.
I don’t think we’re always guaranteed perfect alignment with others. There are two people in every relationship which means two perspectives, two experiences, two emotional responses. What makes sense to me might not make sense to someone else. This is where compromise and curiosity matter in mutual relationships.
But there are also seasons when it feels like more than difference when it’s as if the gears themselves won’t work together. If gears are out of place or trying to turn in opposite directions, there’s tension, friction, and very little forward movement.
Of course, we hope for relationships where the important things align.
Life moves more smoothly when they do, especially in our closest connections. Sometimes the big things line up, but the smaller things don’t. They aren’t deal-breakers, but they still create strain
That season in my family was full of friction. Some days, every conversation seemed to highlight how different we were. It was disheartening and honestly scary. I wondered if we’d ever get the gears lined up well enough to function again.
Not having alignment in my family (external from me) showed me how vital it is to have alignment internally.
This is why I set out on a deep healing journey of my own. I can’t force the external gears to line up, I can’t make others see things the way I see them or experience the emotions I’m experiencing, but when the gears inside of me are working, well, that makes a huge difference. And it honestly makes the external misalignment not seem so catastrophic.
In order to discover alignment within myself, I had to get to know myself.
I started listening to my body and my emotions. I got curious with myself. I didn’t judge myself or try to get me ‘in line’. I let alignment flow from the core of who I am. I honored my experiences.
And I’m learning to live from a place of internal alignment. I’m still prone to step out of what is me in order to make someone else happy or keep up appearances. Sometimes I’m not even aware of what I feel or need. But I’m learning to slow down and check in with myself. I’m learning to be present with myself first, so I can show up fully present and calm with others.
You know what I’m realizing? Alignment doesn’t come easy or fast. It actually requires me to slow down and be intentional. I can’t fast forward through choices if I want to stay in alignment. In a fast-paced, microwave speed world, to maintain alignment, I think, you have to live differently. And that goes against the grain but it’s so worth it!
While the season of misalignment was painful and confusing, what I’ve learned from it has been amazing and fruitful.
I wonder if the gears are lining up for you lately…
